Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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