I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
