youre lurking in front of me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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