My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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