i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this beer tastes like vomit already
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
