She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize