We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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