my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
