i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
