Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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