I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
