So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
