sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
