I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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