I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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