Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
sex in a hospital.. check
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
