I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
