There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
