i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
