my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
