My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
