so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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