I didn't shave. On purpose
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
