smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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