he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
