Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
