Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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