She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
