This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
