she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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