hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
