she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
