I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.