She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.