I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
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she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.