So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.