But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
