Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave