I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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