I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?