Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
