You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
