I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
