I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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