also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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