and she was petting her beer can
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
