went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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