We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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