haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
