i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
