I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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