sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
