hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
