yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
