So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
did i just pee glitter
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
