he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
