Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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