i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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