I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
