Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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