i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
