How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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