i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
