and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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