If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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