That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize