Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
