She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
