I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
