Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
