just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
