you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
