Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
