Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
