Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
