Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
