I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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