I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
